After taking some time to freak out and then end my grudge against the world,  I started to refocus my energies.  My sons anthroposophical doctor was brilliant and suggested that I “try to see a psychiatrist privately and pay out of pocket”. This at first was a ridiculous thought, but then came the rest of the converstaion.  It took a while for this to process in my brain.  “Go a few times a year.”  Okay you could have hit me with a brick at this point and I wouldn’t have felt it.  My brain just took a total 180 at this conclusion. It never occurred to me that since I would be paying privately that I had more control in how many times I would be seeing a doctor with my son, rather than dealing with all the beauracracy of governmental medicine.  I was dumb-founded at this!  Really!  It never occurred to me, REALLY!  So after having a wonderful experience with speaking to one of the psychiatrists, about 40 minutes from home, at which point he was not able to accept T. as a patient due to not accepting Medicaid, still, I found he was extremely helpful and personable.  I called him back and suggested privately paying, maybe quarterly visits.  He was on board with this idea and accepted T. as his patient.  We have to wait till July for our first visit, not that he didn’t have an appointment opening because he did, but due to the fact that I must use T.’s  Supplemental Social security money to pay for these visits and we had no more $ for the month.  Next month is going to be extremely hard financially since we must travel to see the boys father for a couple days, which means no less than six hours of traveling one way.  With gas prices as they are, it is going to take a huge dent from my resources.  They haven’t seen their father since fourth of July last year, ’07.  We also have the rest of horse camp payments and T.’s psychiatrist appointment and extra gas milelage used for B.’s camp(over half an hour away from home daily) and County 4-H fair(daily travel for taking care of animals exhibited).  So I am jammed with extra money needed to survive this next month and have no idea where I am going to get it from.  Even with all the angst about the money, I am still feeling optomistic about July.  I have hopes that things will somehow work out, just not sure how. 😛  It will be a struggle and we will suffer some, but I think we will make it through without too much damage and hopefully the boys won’t notice too much, since I am expelling all of this for the sake of their adventures and health and wellbeing.  I hope I don’t get too stressed out about things when issues arise.  Not sure if any of the above made any sense, but it did in my head. 😛 LOL  I am feeling better and hopeful.  I really need to stay that way.


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