Good to be Home…or not!

Me and the boys arrived home safely.  I was ready to get myself pulled together and forge on with the many projects lined up as fundraising events for Jacqui Rayne and Fam.  Still emotionally fragile but with hope for a quite but eventful month ahead.  We had some serious catching up to do.

Then I was reminded of a report I saw in the local newspaper the first week of September regarding layoff announcements for local businesses to happen shortly.  With S.’s job in full swing and his experience, we thought he was safe.  Every one he worked with thought he was safe from this all.

I left to attend an Opera for children and came home to find S. home from work.  Half day??  Nope, he got laidoff.  We were stunned.  I immediately panicked and my emotional fragility came crashing in upon itself.  I knew once again that I couldn’t fall apart the way I really needed to, so I plowed into this head on.  I researched jobs like crazy and formatted his resume and started sending them out that very day.  We are lucky he is so talented and his talents unique for the time being.

I have not wanted to make plans to do anything, or get involved with anything new, and have been distancing myself from my community.  We aren’t going to find a job around here.  We are moving and possibly across country.  This scares the crap out of me.   What timing!!  I don’t do change well and I after living here for 4 years I had finally begun to feel as this was my home.  Figures!!

One door opens, another one opens.  At least this is what I keep telling myself.  It doesn’t exactly make me feel better but it does give me hope.  Hope is so incredibly important to me.  Without it, I am lost.  I have been so frazzled I have not found a rhythm for our school days, nor had much ambition to do much of anything.  I realize this is major depression setting in and high anxiety will kill me.  I am just trying to get by.  I am happy to see so many new opportunities for S. come our way.  That has been exciting.

He’s gone to Los Angeles and now is off to Cedar Rapids.  Next hes off to Mississippi.  Interviews are all going very well and he is having fun meeting new people.  There are pros and cons for each situation, so until we get all the facts, we just don’t know where we will be going yet.  That is a scary thought, but we are trying to prepare.  Packing clutter, getting the house ready for sale.  That sort of thing.

I sold my goats and rabbit hutches and cages.   A nice chest freezer, an old bed frame and goat kidding pens.  Little by little.


I think this last post catches me up.  I will post more about homeschooling escapades and such as I have energy to do so.  There is progress with T. on that end, but it is slow.  B. using Keystone National HS online is interesting and his weaknesses and strengths are showing through his work.

I will post when we know where we are going to be.  Hopefully by mid month.  Well, I kinda feel accomplished….. 😛


Births and Deaths

B.’s 14th birthday was coming up and after a brief discussion he opted to donate his funds for his party to our dear friends the Rayne family.  Not even a hour later I got a very upsetting phone call.  My ex-husband informed me that my sister-in-law, Sharon, had suddenly passed away.  After not being able to attend the funeral services last month for my nieces husband, I wasn’t going to let money stop me this time.  Sharon had been very ill from a really bad fall down a flight of stairs two years ago, that put her in a coma for three months after the incident.  She had never been the same from that point on and was practically unrecognizable.   She had a very hard life but always had a smile on her face.  She had finally found a great husband and her life was finally joyable on all aspects, then this happened.

I was close to her oldest son, Michael and worried for him greatly.  He is very sensitive and has gone down many wrong paths in his youth.  I wanted to be there to support him.  I may not be best friends with my ex-husband but this was his sister and that makes her my sister.  I was devastated.

As soon as I heard word as to when any services were taking place I headed out the door with not even enough gas and food money to get me there and back.  I was welcomed back in Brian’s home and he was overly generous and helped with expenses while I was there.  It was almost two weeks before all the services were completed before we returned home.

In the meantime, I was able to reconnect with family that I had not seen in a very long time and the boys got to spend an enormous amount of time with their father.  Unprecedented really!  I even let my Ex take the boys hiking up Mount Washington, while I drove up with my car to prepare a filling lunch and relax a little.   The views were great!  We hadn’t been up there since Bradley was tiny.  Everyone had a nice time.

My dearest friend Lynnie had come out to MA to join me and the boys for few days before returning to her vacation in MA with her family.  I was overjoyed!! to see her.  It had been such a very long time and Brian, even let her stay with us while I was there.  I tell you, I am so blessed by these two.  I couldn’t ask for better, more supportive, loving, generous, thoughtful, friends.

My dear friend Kara, was having a birthday for her 4 yr old daughter.  I love this little girl, so I was fortunate enough to be back in MA for her special day.

Just to make things a little more tragic, Bradley’s birthday fell on the day of the Memorial service.  I couldn’t just let the day go by without having him feel special.  Well, not only was it special but he received a very special gift from Brian.  A little backstory:  While out in MA in July for our vacation Brian had been incredibly generous with his time and effort and helped fine tune Bradley’s guitar playing while using one of his electric guitars.  This day, Brian had gone out and purchased Bradley his very own electric guitar.  It was so incredibly special to have both Brian and Lynn to celebrate this day.  Lynn had given Bradley his acoustic guitar a couple years ago.  He was totally surprised and in awe!!  We had cake and ice cream and Bradley received money from Lynn, which was amazing for Bradley.   He thought he was rich!! 😉  I had given him tickets to his very first concert, to be held Oct. 1 in Ithaca.  “They Might Be Giants”  It was their first stop on the new concert tour.  Totally awesome!  It was small, but he made out and hopefully the mornings events of the day didn’t taint his special day.

Stress made me crazy and I really just felt catatonic but was forced to deal with many challenges, especially T. who was totally agitated the entire trip making things very hard on everyone.  It was an emotionally exhausting trip.  I am glad to be home.


My Fathers birthday and a nice surprise.

September 6th is my Fathers birthday.  My brother D., who lives in the same state but we rarely see decided he was going to join us for a little party. My brother is a fulltime Army Soldier.  Currently he is on his fourth tour in Iraq.  His battalion is the most sent out Army Squad in the country.  He has been in the Army since highschool, so we are kind of used to him being deployed for war missions a year at a time.

My family went to a neat Gluten Free Bakery downtown to see if they had any cakes and goodies that we would like to try.  It was nearing the end of the work day for them so we got our yummies discounted and we got a lot of them.  Pricey but oh soooo yummmers!

I picked up a little cake and some lovely flower cookies and decided that is what we would have for dessert after our birthday dinner at my folks.  It was an excellent day getting caught up with my brother and celebrating my dads birthday.  My brother even stopped by our house on the way out of town for a while, since he had never once seen my home.  I heard he liked it. 🙂  I got some nice pics of my parents with him, since it is so rare.

My Big Brother!

New York State Fair

Ugh!  What a time of it, did we have here.  And not in a good way.  I guess being totally honest with the entire experience, it wasn’t horrible, just the ending was.

Spur of the moment we decided to tackle The New York State Fair, with the boys.  I have avoided the State Fair for years and with good reason.  Crowds!  I anxiety level was through the roof before we even got on the highway.  I knew I had to plow through and hope for the best so I kept a smile on my face and just tried to keep myself super aware of my surroundings.

It was expensive and not really worth the money, but the exhibits were neat and some even fun.  Especially the Duck Race.  T. joined in as one of the Racers.  The folks who volunteered each got a real live duck and they had to drop them in the water and splash their behind to help them go fast.  It was funny to watch these birds go crazy as soon as they hit the water.  They were definitely trained for racing!

My second favorite was the cow barn.  The cows were all doe eyed and gorgeous!  So soft looking and I just can’t get enough of their long eye lashes.

Soon I found myself in hell.  The Midway.  Carnival rides that were so outrageously expensive the boys could only choose three rides each and that cost us a fortune!! The boys don’t ride any of the same rides so that immediately split us up into groups.  I hate that.  I really just want to sit back and hold hands with my man in the moments the kids are entertained. You know what I mean?

After that I was surprised to find a fun photo op.  We were able to dress up as gangsters(I, as the Bar wench) and get our first family photograph taken.  It was funny and only slightly uncomfortable. 😛

The money was spent and the day was getting too long for me.  I needed dinner.  Thankfully, so did T.  At his request we were leaving the fair grounds to head out for Indian Food.  This is where everything fell apart.

T. disappeared.  He saw a bright shiny object and wandered away from us.  I looked everywhere in the vicinity and then had to ask an officer for help.  We found him at the lost and found booth, way across the park.  It was annoying and ruined my day totally.  We still went out for dinner and it was good and we ate more than we should per usual, then headed home.  I was emotionally exhausted and very frustrated.

Won’t do that again.  At least not with children anyway. 🙂

Dear Friends!

Like Jacquis New Hairdo!!!

Like Jacquis New Hairdo!!!

summer 09 026

Sassy girl!!

Sassy girl!!

I am so extremely fortunate to be apart of the community in which lies the Rayne Family. My dear friend Jacqui Rayne discovered her breast cancer several months ago and it has been such a mixed blessing. Her family is one of those things in life that makes you see there is hope and love in this world.
When friends and family from oversees were informed of her medical condition, we were pleasantly surprised by a lovely visit from Amanda. She came to spend a couple weeks during the first rounds of Chemo treatment with the Rayne family. She was brilliant and joyous and fun to be around. I was fortunate enough to have met her and got to spend some time with her during her visit. She attended the same music study school in England with Jacqui. It was a musical visit to say the least.
Amanda had energy to spare and spunk along with it. Being a fair city girl, it was amazing to watch her get down and dirty with the farm chores and feed the pigs and goats and such at the Raynes Family farm. She worked hard!! It was such a joy to have met her and I do hope that I will see her again in my future.